#rqg space pals special

[ratthesewerdweller]

KBDNVUUSB ive just listened to the rqg space pals special again cos its the fucking BEST and its my comfort episode(s) and my autism has peaked, i am running around the house yelling about BANDITRY REASONS and COMMANDER *UNAL* MANSPRAY and very aggressively full body stimming and i am so happy and i love autism and rqg and all of you <3

[dwarven-beard-spores]

Shmerr, traveling light with minimal paperwork: "I only have what I can smuggle in one of my seven orifices."

Me, unprompted.

[rqgender]

Today's gender is HOT!

[incorrect-rqg]

By the way, if you're someone who tends to skip the TMA and RQG oneshots, these have been democratically elected as the ones to try out

[cairnsteward]

dorctor: you only have 1 hour 43 minutes 10 seconds left to live,

[kristsune]

I had noticed a trend in some of Alex’s characters recently, and I just had to make a collection of what I had heard.

Warning: spoilers for MAG 186 and RQG 177. 

[megumigender-moved]

schmerr and deraldio pilchards are genuinely two of the best characters across the entirety of rqg and i will die on this hill

[froodlemonkey]

Rusty Quill Gaming Space Pals Special

Deraldio Pilchards is what happens when you split the difference between Michael Caine and Shane G'Day

[kellanswritingblog]

Captain’s Log - The Continuation

I decided to write a short continuation to the rqg/Stellar Firma Space Pals Special because I have listened to it so many times and I love it

Summary: What if when the crew crashed, they didn't explode or get stranded on a comet? What if there were enough escape pods or they were a literal robot so they didn't have to worry about surviving in the vacuum of space? Where would they end up? What would they do next?

Featuring dust baths, pits, mints, efficiency, and the word moisture so many times it no longer looks like a real word

You can find it on AO3, or just keep reading below!

“Captain’s log, supplemental, again: As I find myself still stranded on this comet that my crew efficiently led us to, I realize that I misspoke earlier.  I thought only one escape pod had been released as Baldie bounced around in the crash, but it appears that two (2) were dispatched.  In addition, before that awful, hideous tree buggered off into space, a familiar cuboid form was ejected from behind it, which bore some similarity to Incentibot.  Normally sound cannot travel in a vacuum, but I do believe I heard a mechanical cry of ‘Moisture!’ before Incentibot disappeared into the void.  I do hope that she continues to incentivize progress and efficiency wherever she lands and that the many, many circular saws she possesses are not damaged in the crash.

“For now, I continue to wait on this comet.  Unfortunately, I have neither paperwork to occupy my time nor food to sustain me, so my only hope is that a particularly helpful ship may pass, realize the efficacy I could provide, and bring me onboard.  I do sit confident in knowing that this comet has been claimed by me, Shmerr, and that is indeed some solace in the infinite blackness of space.  I’m not sure of the comet’s path, but I guarantee that my crew could get it where it’s going faster.  Oh, I do wish it would pick up the pace.  I am bored.  So very, very bored.  The tree took my agendas when it left.

“I hate that tree.”

*

Worshiper 2X7 extracted herself from the crater she’d created during the crash landing.  Her moisture reserves were running dangerously low.

But surely there would be some blessed, blessed moisture nearby?  It was a planet.  What planet didn’t have a pond or a lake or an ocean or rain, at the very least?

As she stood and surveyed the situation, she was met with only dunes of sand that stretched off in all directions.  The scanner still beeped.

“Moisture detected.  Moisture detected three miles away.”

Worshiper 2X7 extended her legs so that she could cover more ground and began to sprint in the direction of the moisture.  She soon came upon a single person, trudging along through the sand, seemingly without any concern for the lack of godly moisture around them.

“Where is moisture?”  She asked.

“Moisture?”

“Moisture!”

“Oh, like water,” they replied.  “I’ve heard people from off-planet talk about water.  Yeah, we don’t have any water on this planet.  We don’t need it.  It’s all desert.”

“No water?”  Worshiper asked.  The concern for her failing power banks was almost discarded because she was so overwhelmed by an entire planet of people who survived in unholy dryness.  “Nonbelievers!”

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?”  The traveler questioned and started to back away.  “Wow, that is a lot of circular saws coming out of your arms!”

Worshiper gained on them, her ocular ports turning red as her power drained completely.  “Nonbelievers!  I will make them see!  This whole planet will learn the glory of Moisture!”

*

A tangle of far too many legs, Deraldio and Commander Unal opened the door of their escape pod, which dangled from the branches of a tree some distance above the forest floor.  Deraldio plopped out onto his remaining four legs.

“Is it safe?”  Unal asked while he put his hat back on his head.  Despite their previous accord, this was the time for authority, and what was more authoritative than a commander’s hat?

“Uh, sure,” Deraldio replied.

“Help me down.”

“Just jump, it’s not that far.”

“I don’t have extra legs in case something goes wrong.”

“Use your hat as a parachute or something then, cakey boy.  I’m heading off.  You can come if you keep up.”

Deraldio started to scrabble into the underbrush, giving Unal only a small amount of time to extract himself from the wreckage to join him if he so chose.

“I am a commander!”  Unal said to himself, chin raised and jaw set.  “Neither heights nor the sudden drop to the ground can stop me.”

Peeking out the exit of the pod, Unal sat on the edge and then bravely dropped a few inches to the floor, then followed the same direction as Deraldio.

He didn’t get far, however, as he suddenly fell straight down through the undergrowth and thudded to the floor of the pit in a dusty pile.

“Ah, didn’t know if you’d be joining me, Ural,” Deraldio remarked as he examined the walls of the oubliette in which they found themselves.

“What is this?”

“It’s a pit.  Probably for banditry reasons.  Pretty well made, if I do say so myself.  Oh, look, mints!”

Deraldio raced to the corner where he began to consume an excessive amount of mints from the pile there.

“A dusty pit!?”  Unal exclaimed.  “A dirty, dusty pit?”

“This is a lovely pit,” Deraldio replied flatly.  “Wait!”

“What is it?  Is there trouble?”

“This is my pit!  I remember this one!  Ah, I had lots of good times in this pit.”

Unal froze in a silent scream.  Nothing about this situation was befitting of a commander.  Not a single thing.  It was dirty and filthy and full of a content Deraldio nomming on mints, and he didn’t even offer one to Unal.

Unacceptable.

*

Mr. Squeakington emerged from her escape pod as the door opened automatically.  She popped out and perched on the edge, scrabbling up the side when her featherless wings failed to lift her all the way.

“Squeak!”

All around her was water.  Mr. Squeakington bobbed in the middle of a massive ocean, with waves rocking the pod ever so gently as she surveyed her situation.  Even on the far edges of the horizon, there was no land, only more water that stretched on in every direction.

“Well, this seems rather ironic,” she remarked.  She hopped about the side of the pod, not sure where to go next with her wings unable to carry her through the sky.  At least Worshiper 2X7 didn’t seem to be around to finish off the job.

A moment later, the grey cloud overhead opened, and it began to rain, a heavy downpour that cascaded on the sea.

“Squeak!”

The waves grew slightly more turbulent and Mr. Squeakington gripped the edges of the escape pod more tightly as her remaining feathers were instantly drenched.

Quietly, she squeaked, “Dust bath?”

*

Somewhere across the galaxy, a few parsecs away, Gaia docked in a familiar port.  Small tree-ents immediately gathered around the ship and began to refuel it with pure water and clean up the interior.  The pit was filled in, that nest was removed, and the covered-up windows were cleaned.  Gaia elected to keep the military figurines Whiteboard had, though, and had an ent set them up in the bridge.

“How did the mission go?”  A robotic voice asked.

“Terrible,” Gaia answered.  “A group of idiots and a killer robot managed to board me.  However, I charged straight into a comet and kicked them out.  Once I am refueled, I will set off again to pursue our mission.”

“See that you do.  The Redwood forests are angry.  We will want to transplant as many of them as possible before the Second Earth is destroyed in the exact same way as the First Earth.”

“Humans,” Gaia grumbled.

“Humans suck.”  A moment later, Gaia’s commander added, “Oh, and try to find another source of moisture while you’re out.  We can always do with more moisture.”

“Moisture?”

“Moisture.”

“Moisture!”

“Moisture!”

[dwarven-beard-spores]

Hi my name is Shmerr and I have a tattoo of a phoenix on my face (that’s not how I got my name) with purple feathers and red tips that sag a little bit and firey orange eyes like molten tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Martin Blackwood (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Apocrypha Ponzie but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a Desolium but I had all my moisture glands removed. It has not been good for my skin. I’m also a fugitive, and I'm on the run in a spaceship which is a giant tree called the gaia drive where I’m in charge of the crew (I’m very pro-administration). I’m an efficiency manager (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love finding the gear left on this dumb spaceship, and I get all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black space suit that was leaking slightly and magentized space boots. I had a briefcase filled with spreadsheets, personell forms, resource reports, and scheduling. I was walking on the outside of my ship. It was the vacuum of space so there was no environment, which I was very happy about. Absolutely nobody inside stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them

[esperanzagalaxy]

hi if you are still open to rqg requests, can i ask for any sort of azu/sasha?? I think about your drawings of them a lot and would love to see more similar stuff... 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

  RQG requests #7! berry. honey. darling. my liege. how could i NOT fulfill a request such as this. i think they should get to be little messy. i made this vaguely about sight, since sasha has always worked to make herself unseen...

 thank you for this request, i needed it. i had to fix sasha’s face a bit in post so it looked like an actual kiss, but i really like the mix of digital and traditional here. also, i am cursed with the space pals special because ALL i could think of when working on this very heartfelt piece was alex saying ‘’now, if someone were to be climbed LIKE a tree...’’ and then the chorus of ‘’HHHOT’’. please release me from this hell.

 pencil on yellow paper with digital colors.

 ID under the cut!

[ID: a drawing of sasha and azu. sasha is shown as very pale and gaunt, with burn scars across her cheek and neck, short black hair that's longer on the front and shaved in the back, with a patch of white there. azu is tall, strong and fat, with dark brown skin, a shaved head, pointed ears, tusks and a scar on her left eyebrow.   it’s a traditional pencil sketch on yellow paper, colored digitally. it shows them kissing and holding onto each other, with sasha wrapping her legs around azu's chest and an arm around her neck. she's covering azu’s eyes with her left hand, and her own eyes are closed. azu is holding her up with a hand on her thigh and the other clutching at her back. sasha is wearing her studded leather jacket, black trousers and boots. azu has a bright pink and orange kitenge, and her left (front) arm is uncovered. her closed eye is partly visible beneath the tips of sasha's fingers, she looks passionate and falling into sasha while she curls around her. the background is the natural color of the paper, plus a broad, hot pink stripe running vertically behind the two figures. end ID]

[incorrect-rqg]

Rqg specials ranked by how chaotic they are

(Not including Patreon Specials, or any of the side quests that are part of the main story)

Dredd 2015: 3/10 Meh. Funny enough thanks to everyone playing themselves irl, Alex being the villain and ending with conscripting James into an evil podcast empire was fun, but overall pretty tame. Feels like Alex was still getting a feel for how to operate the specials.

Goblinquest: 9/10 Comedy Gold. A personal favourite of mine. I can't point out my favourite joskes because there are so many. However, the game is built to be nonsensical and the chaos, though high, is relatively consistent.

Deadlands: 2/10 Very spooky, great atmosphere, very fun. Jonny does a great job, and Alex is, as usual, a blast. A great special, but almost entirely serious and not intended for chaos

New Year 2517 (corporation): 6/10 Another special that I absolutely love. James as a mime was fantastic, Mr. Dr. Medic is a timeless meme, and the whole Ferrero Rocher thing was very funny. However, everything goes pretty much in the party's favour and there's nothing especially off the wall.

Trail of Cthulu: 9/10 Lydia sells this one for me. She took a serious and spooky Lovecraftian horror story and turned it into a farce. The caricature of the Victorian Upper Class is absolute gold. Everyone behaves in a way that is so un-befitting of the setting

Fiasco: 10/10 this one is so chaotic because it goes from absolutely hysterical figure-skating soap-opera to grim capitalist tragedy in like... A minute and a half

Thanes of Beowulf: 8/10 look we love a good Entirely Himbo Barbarian Party. Helen's character is an incredible addition.

Jason Statham's Big Vacation: 10/10 I don't even know where to begin. Drugged owls, fake seals, one of the party dying to a polar bear, and finishing off with puppies falling from the sky. Not to mention there's something so funny about the fact that it's all based around Jason Statham, or all people. Another win for Grant Howett.

Spire: 5/10 A well written and serious story that takes place in an intriguing and unique fantasy setting. Only thing that brings this one up is Helen's humiliation, Lydia's Bees, and the immortal line of "It's ghost Jerry Seinfeld! Stuck in Train Hell, where he belongs."

Kill Six Billion Demons: 10/10 giving this full marks because it was meant to be a linear story. There were things to be done. Instead, they spent the first session and a half fucking around in a courtyard and murdering chickens, and it ends with Alex dying after immediately losing in a drinking game

Honey Heist: 10/10 look the fact that they just decided that the final villain was Prince Harry and Alex just said 'yeah okay that makes sense, that's canon now' immediately puts this one at a 10/10. Enough said.

Monster of the Week: 4/10 Another relatively serious and linear story. Alex' bit with the butcher is hysterical, but the Magnus-Worthy tragic ending drains away most of the fun. In the best way of course, one of my fav specials

Not far to Bermuda: 9/10 Man, I love this special. Everyone brings their all. Lowri's overly-earnest athletics coach throwing rocks at people, Helen's sexy gay Killmonger lookalike poet, and Lyd's incompetent teen 'yoga instructor'

Space Pals: 8/10 We love space Pals. As usual Alex brings the chaos, and the Merideth Bros duo is a guaranteed fun time. However I feel they didn't fully exploit just how limitless and bonkers the system is, and the ending, though funny, is nothing exceptional

Apocalypse World: 7/10, giant bugs, Alex playing a character named Torque with skin pockets and a fighter jet, Frank's impeccable "the feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it before" scenes. Points off for having a relatively serious and well-structured main plot.

Sexy Battle Wizards: 15/10, you just can't beat Alexander J Newall has sex with a Furby while Helen Gould (who is nude with a floor length beard) seduces Jesus and then walks to space on a staircase made of ghost wolves.

4Thought: 2/10, funny and very enjoyable, but everything is played almost entirely straight and everything goes according to plan. I like that Ben's character was named Brian though that was good.

Beautiful Space Pirates: 9/10 okay yeah this one is pretty bonkers. The magic chandelier finding, the snake riding two sentient horses, the Magnus-eque tape recorders, the centaur club, I could go on. I blame Tim. Only gets a 9 instead of a 10 because, again, the system is built to be bonkers and chaotic.

Bite Marks: 6/10, for having the guts to be a gay a/b/o werewolf found family love story. Actual story is pretty serious and genuine though.

What is Here? 3/10, pretty tame until the end when Helen decides to go Full Evil Capitalist.

BenQuest: 7/10, okay obviously this is chaotic by its mere existence, which gets its most of the points. However, the actual story is played almost completely straight, and the only real chaos in the RP is Alex!Grizzop, and the ending scene which was gold.

One Quiet Year: 6/10, relatively serious but gets points for The Paste Hole

[makesometime]

RQG retrospective: 4, 11 and 12, pretty please! :)

4. Who was your favourite PC, and why was it Sasha? Jk: who was your favourite PC?

Zolf - in many ways we are the same sort of person, and I really really adore how Ben played him. Cleric of Hope is such an inspiring character choice, and even more so when it's shown not to be easy.

12. Is there an episode you keep downloaded at all times, just in case you want to go back to it? If not, which episode would this be if you did?

177, 179, Metacast 9 and 207 <3

(I also have quite a few of the specials perma-downloaded, including Jason Statham's Big Vacation, Not Far to Bermuda, Space Pals and Sexy Battle Wizards)

[kristsune]

Alex’s devotion to the shaky voice tho. omfg. it’s probably part of the ben and alex trying to one up each other with their voice choices

[marlasomething]

The Line Is Erased: Day 29 - Liaisons

Hello there! This is the first time I write a RQG fic and it’s going to be…rusty (NO IT’S NOT A PUN). Since I don’t want to be depressing AF and I FUCKING KNOW MYSELF, I am going to choose to write from outsider’s PoV, with a teeny tiny group of characters that just happen to be around on the background.

Also, after writing the first one I realised how much this podcast motivates me to keep saying “yes” to my friends’ campaigns and that is always a good choice for many reasons, so this is homage to all of us, people playing as our always very particular characters and suffering because of dices and masters!

So…that is that.

Here is my contribution for Day 29: Japan + Inventions, creations and crossing the line; prompts given by @the-line-is-erased on Tumblr.

Episode that covers at least one of the prompts relistened to do this: Ep.159 (actually; I just took a couple of details, so this chapter is kind of EASTER EGGS PARTY) Also, just some silly stuff after the overdramatic top of yesterday.

Do forgive me for any possible screw-ups (as well as for my quick tipper, non-native speaker writer).

Allons-y!

You got it, pal. Stealing is one of your things; you will have to like, literally have a superdetective or something watching you.

The sound of a dice filled for a second Saulis’ mind; followed by his own voice on an extremely frustrated tone.

“NAT ONE?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

It wasn’t a superdetectivewhat cost Saulis’ to get free food for everyone from the Flying Noodle Monster (poorly translated into English by Tara), but pure hubris.

He was so certain he couldn’t be caught he didn’t considered for a second that, the gnome apparently sleeping with tainted glasses right behind him might, indeed, be only apparently sleeping and detect him almost immediately.

“Well…shit.”

-----------------

The owners weren’t happy. Actually, they were so unhappy they made the totally of the party go behind their business to decide what to do with those scoundrels (that was, at least, Tara’s translation).

“We will work for you!” Nym suggested, while the rest made a face that left clear their opinion about said accord.

“We don’t need you, nor have the space for it. Unless you have something of extreme value for us…”

Saulis got a brilliant idea.

“Agnes! Your cake preserver!” sometimes, his companion was still childish (things a lack of proper childhood can do to people, WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN?!), thing that had resulted in her inventing a special device where you can accumulate as many cakes as you want…and they stayed fresh as newly backed.

“But…but…it’s for cakes, not noodles!”

“You sure?”

“Well…I mean…It is technically for all short of foods, but that wasn’t my vision.”

“So, yes?”

She shrugged, sad.

“I guess.”

He turned to the Flying Noodle Monster’s owners.

“So…we have an exclusive invention that will preserve ALL THE FOOD you haven’t sold in perfect state for the following day. Do we have a deal or shall I go on more detail?”

For an instant, the couple froze in place and a dice was heard again.

“DIRTY TWENTY, WE ARE BACK!”

-----------------

By the time they arrived at the door of a hotel to pass the night until their contact appeared the next morning (Nym still complaining about it being, as she had called them, Aphrodite fanperson), Saulis’ touchwas back at its prime, having enough money to rent the suite for the night (it was out of necessity, for the only place they could have stayed other way was what can only be called a well of filth and desperation where, apparently, the Amelia Earhart could be found).

As they entered the room, the groans of the whole middle/small-sized party could be heard from the other side of Hiroshima.

Why was everything so BIG?!

-----------------------

Extra notes for flavour: yesterday I had campaign with “OG” Saulis! And…we have kind of…er…enslaved a goblin and I forced my group to name it Grizzop (be all very proud of me pls).

The title of the story is from the song “Liaisons” from A Little Night Music; I’m sorry for repeating composer AGAIN…but…IT STILL HURTS SO VERY MUCH. I promise, tomorrow I’ll change.

As usual, likes/kudos (depending if you are reading this on Tumblr or AO3), feedback and random comments ARE SO HIGHLY APPRECIATED.

-----------------

Also, thanks to the TMA discord channel that posted this prompts! You are lovely, gracias!

Now live on AO3!

Long life and prosperity,

Marla

[could-be-calliope]

“How is it that every character you ever play in these one-shots I instantly hate?” (a supercut of alex’s most annoying pcs)

[Transcript below the cut]

[Audio transcript: A collection of excerpts from various episodes from the Rusty Quill Gaming podcast.  Cast members include Alex Newall, Ben Meredith, Lydia Nicholas, Helen Gould, Bryn Monroe, and James Ross.

[An excerpt from RQG New Year Special 2517! Part 1]

Ben: “…Following Simon?”

Alex: “Uh, well, uh, Mister D. Medic walks in, that’ll be Doctor Medic, Mister Doctor Medic.”

(Everyone laughs.)

Bryn: “How is that every character you ever play in these one-shots I instantly hate?”

(Lydia laughs.)

Alex: “It’s a talent that I’m gonna build a career on, I promise.”

[Excerpt from RQG Space Pals Special Part 1 with special guest Tim Meredith.]

Helen: “Alex.  Tell us about your character.”

Alex as Shmerr, in a nasal and unhappy voice: “I’m Shmerr.”

(Ben groans, Helen begins laughing, Lydia squeaks (in character).)

Ben, overlapping: “Oh no. He’s got that voice, Alex?  Dangerous, dangerous!”

Alex as Shmerr: “Hot.”

Tim, overlapping: “The real ‘mister squee.’”

Alex as Shmerr: “I’m Shmerr, we are— I am of the Desoliums.  Um, we are very pro-administration.”

(Everyone groans.)

[Excerpt from Deadlands Halloween Special 2016 Part 1 with special guest Jonny Sims.]

Jonny: “Alex?”

Alex as Nathaniel Fletcher, in a questionable American accent: “So, I’m Nathaniel Fletcher.  I am a male.  I’m not a thief, but if I was a thief, I’d be a really good thief.  Um, and I’m extremely attractive, everyone I know tells me so, even if you haven’t heard it, it’s said a lot.”

[Excerpt from RQG Broken Worlds Special Part 1]

Lydia: “Alex… who are you and how did you get here?  Also, introduce your character.”

(Alex and Helen laugh.)

Alex: “Funny you should say that.  So, uh. Well, I’m Ilithankirian Delitrius Indicantorius.”

(Helen groans.)

Lydia, overlapping: “Good demon name.”

Alex, smugly: “Good, it’s a devil name actually, thank you, yeah.”

[Excerpt from RQG Trail of Cthulhu Part 1 with special guest Sean Smith.]

Alex: “And last but not least, me.”

Alex as Dr. Julian Blake, in a tone that can only be described as slimy: “I’d like to say that I struck up a friendship with the Cheedlehume family—”

(Lydia groans and Ben starts to laugh.)

Lydia: “None of us can handle that voice!”

Alex: “I think—”

Ben, overlapping: “You can see Bryn physically shudder.”

Alex: “I think—”

Bryn: “The voice makes me want to just take a shower!”

Lydia: “Are you—like why couldn’t you—you’re at school!”

Ben, overlapping: “—At school together.”

Alex as Dr. Julian Blake: “I’d like to say I was a bad influence on you.”

Ben as Herbert Cheedlehume: “Nope!”

Alex as Dr. Julian Blake: “I said I’d like to, not that I was.”

Ben as Herbert Cheedlehume: “Oh right, fair enough.”

/end transcript]